Transform a negative energy into a positive energy. That is my formula whenever I got angry, mad, sad, and other powerless emotions. Sometimes, I just forgot..
Right now, I am in the middle of my own crisis. I am very angry but I don’t exactly sure to whom.
I am also very sad whenever I remember how someone that I care, I love, treat me like that (I can’t describe it).
I am angry, maybe to anyone, to anything, including to myself.
There are many things that I regret, yes, sure. But I don’t believe that regret can give me a solution to my current problem. So I just accept anything that happened to me, whether I like it or not.
Actually I also don’t understand what happened to me, why this can happened, why I allowed this to happened.
One thing that I focus now is that, I will change it.
I don’t like where I am right now. And there are so many things that I am angry at.
Very angry that I start to feel nothing, numb. It’s not good.
If I can’t feel my strong emotion, even though it’s not a positive, still, it can be very powerful if I can transform it into something very meaningful, to change myself, and the world around me.
I want to feel my anger and sadness, so I can emotionally do something about it, for a better change.
From the outside, maybe people will see me as a calm person, very peaceful, and yes, actually those are right.
I am happy right now because I accept whatever happened to me last couple years. I am grateful for whatever I can enjoy right now, even though it’s far from okay in other people’s perspective, it’s okay for me. I can manage it.
But sometimes, my anger becomes very strong and makes me just silent, don’t want to talk, and unfortunately, sometimes it makes me don’t want to do my routine as well.
Right now, I will just focus to build something that I can be proud of, I will use my strong emotion which is my anger to change my situation. As what will happen to my relationship with people that I am angry at? That’s for tomorrow, and I think, everything will be okay.